Annie and I sat at brunch waiting for the rest of our friends. As the waitress brought our first round of mimosas, we caught up on the first date she'd had since her recent break-up.
"He leaned in to kiss me, and I burst into tears".
Keane had had a similar experience with a new friend of his as they were spooning in bed.
"He started telling me how beautiful my eyes were and I felt like I was going to cry" he told me.
What is it about these intimate moments that bring on a rush of emotion?
A few months ago I had plans for dinner and a DVD with a guy I had been talking to. Although he was nice and smart and funny I decided during dinner that he wasn't for me. We were having a good time and good conversation so, I thought nothing of continuing with the DVD portion of our date. There we were cozy in my apartment, in a comfortable silence, and suddenly tears began to well up in my eyes.
I realized that though it wasn't someone I was interested in, being with a guy in that intimate space felt good and I had missed it.
There is something painful about the offering of something you want from a place you don't want it to come from.
In my case the pleasure of a quiet, intimate moment mixed with the pain of sharing it with someone I didn't have feelings for resulted in a knot in my throat and tears in my eyes.
And so, we continue to wait for the time when what we want comes in the way we want it.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Three Layers... One Date
I had met Charles three weeks before we actually went out. He was good about calling, he called often and we had great conversations but after three weeks of that I couldn’t help but feel like I could potentially be wasting my time.
I’ve learned that a guy has three personality layers:
Layer One: When he first meets you and confidence is bursting forth.
Layer Two: When he starts calling and testing the waters and seeing what you are about. This is often done with jokes, for example:
A guy may make a sexual innuendo during an initial phone conversation and from a females reaction to it, may not call again (this has happened to me twice since I am not very receptive to sexually charged phone conversations)
Layer Three: When he takes you on a date. That’s when the flood gates open and anything can happen. He’s on a mission, it can be anything from “getting some” to finding a wife, but more often than not, on that first date you find out what it is.
The fear of Layer Three is why I hate dragging out the “talking” phase of dating. There’s nothing worse than getting pounced on during a first date and thinking back to all the hours of phone time that you will never get back!
When Charles asked me out after three weeks at Layer Two, I was interested to see how it turned out. He suggested taking me to dinner and I accepted.
So, on a warm evening I put on a white BoHo style dress with frayed edges across the neck and hemline, a denim shrug and a pair of strappy sandals. As I walked down the block to meet him (I never tell guys exactly where I live) I got approving stares from the guys hanging out on the street.
As I walked over to Charles car, feeling good, I opened the door and as I got in the passenger seat, I looked over and saw that he was wearing a jogging suit.
A jogging suit from… Old Navy.
I wanted to jump out of the car right then and there, but I felt paralyzed. As we drove to the restaurant and sat down to eat he was nice and funny but I couldn’t get over the jogging suit…from Old Navy.
I don’t know if I was staring at the Old Navy logo too much, but eventually he said
“I was going to wear a dress shirt and slacks, but I really didn’t feel like ironing today.”
I smiled politely and pushed my food around with my fork. I had no appetite.
As we drove back towards my apartment he says to me, “where did you get that dress?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Well,” he pointed to the frayed edges “because it’s not finished.”
“It’s the style of the dress” I said flatly as I looked out the window, all the while wondering why I was explaining my fashion choices to someone in a jogging suit.
Then he said “Well… wherever you got it you should take it back.”
I turned to him and said “I’m sorry but, if I had known we were wearing PAJAMAS tonight, I would have dressed accordingly.”
We drove the rest of the way to my apartment in silence.
As we approached my corner he asked if I was upset, I told him that what he said was rude. Then I noticed that instead of pulling over for me to get out of the car he was attempting to Parallel Park. I asked him what he was doing and he said.
“Can’t I come up?”
He was shocked when I said "No".
Layer Three, gets you every time.
I’ve learned that a guy has three personality layers:
Layer One: When he first meets you and confidence is bursting forth.
Layer Two: When he starts calling and testing the waters and seeing what you are about. This is often done with jokes, for example:
A guy may make a sexual innuendo during an initial phone conversation and from a females reaction to it, may not call again (this has happened to me twice since I am not very receptive to sexually charged phone conversations)
Layer Three: When he takes you on a date. That’s when the flood gates open and anything can happen. He’s on a mission, it can be anything from “getting some” to finding a wife, but more often than not, on that first date you find out what it is.
The fear of Layer Three is why I hate dragging out the “talking” phase of dating. There’s nothing worse than getting pounced on during a first date and thinking back to all the hours of phone time that you will never get back!
When Charles asked me out after three weeks at Layer Two, I was interested to see how it turned out. He suggested taking me to dinner and I accepted.
So, on a warm evening I put on a white BoHo style dress with frayed edges across the neck and hemline, a denim shrug and a pair of strappy sandals. As I walked down the block to meet him (I never tell guys exactly where I live) I got approving stares from the guys hanging out on the street.
As I walked over to Charles car, feeling good, I opened the door and as I got in the passenger seat, I looked over and saw that he was wearing a jogging suit.
A jogging suit from… Old Navy.
I wanted to jump out of the car right then and there, but I felt paralyzed. As we drove to the restaurant and sat down to eat he was nice and funny but I couldn’t get over the jogging suit…from Old Navy.
I don’t know if I was staring at the Old Navy logo too much, but eventually he said
“I was going to wear a dress shirt and slacks, but I really didn’t feel like ironing today.”
I smiled politely and pushed my food around with my fork. I had no appetite.
As we drove back towards my apartment he says to me, “where did you get that dress?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Well,” he pointed to the frayed edges “because it’s not finished.”
“It’s the style of the dress” I said flatly as I looked out the window, all the while wondering why I was explaining my fashion choices to someone in a jogging suit.
Then he said “Well… wherever you got it you should take it back.”
I turned to him and said “I’m sorry but, if I had known we were wearing PAJAMAS tonight, I would have dressed accordingly.”
We drove the rest of the way to my apartment in silence.
As we approached my corner he asked if I was upset, I told him that what he said was rude. Then I noticed that instead of pulling over for me to get out of the car he was attempting to Parallel Park. I asked him what he was doing and he said.
“Can’t I come up?”
He was shocked when I said "No".
Layer Three, gets you every time.
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